First I would like to introduce myself, I'm 20 and 26 weeks pregnant. Previous to this I've had two abortions (at 17, and 19) and one miscarriage at 18.

I'm a nursing student (last year of degree) and my views on pregnancy and motherhood have changed throughout the last four years mainly due to my own experiences.

Every women has their own story to tell about pregnancy and motherhood, and how these came to be.

If anyone wants to ask me about my two abortions or miscarriage I'm happy to talk to you about any of your questions, because there isn't enough information out there. And I know what it's like to have no one to talk to about this subject.

As I said before I'm 26 weeks pregnant and this thing we call pregnancy is such a weird experience. Despite this pregnancy being a wanted/ planned pregancy at a stage in my life that I am ready mentally and financially. This has not been easy.

I read about everything to do with pregnancy and can't help wanting to tear my hair out whenever I see a happy smiling (drop dead gorgeous) pregnant lady in a magazine telling readers how this is just a great time for her and that she is loving it.

I'm really sorry but for the majority of us its not, well at least I know it hasn't been like that for me. Coping with body image problems, morning sickness, the fear of the unknown, every health ailment, and just the shear emotion of pregnancy is enough to drive you crazy. (or at least me)

I've been making a short journal prior to this to aid in my journey into the unknown and hopefully look back on it and say wow it was worth it.

Week 1-6-
Husband and I tried for two months before we got pregnant and I took three tests.
I took folic acid and supplemented my iron prior, and exercised daily. Making sure to get to reasonable weight. Tried to eat well
Once I knew I was pregnant it took four weeks to secure a doctors appointment at the hospital of my choice.

Week 7-8
No symptoms at all, bit of a bummer I guess should be happy. Doctors appointment went well however feel as though I've given a couple of pints of blood due to the amount of blood tests. Was told to come back at 12 weeks for a dating scan, huge waiting list, Pregnancy season I'm told.

Week 9
Woke up vomited went to work a 6am then vomited four more times before being sent home sick. On this day didn't eat at all.
The next day woke up vomited went to work tried to eat dry crackers, and black tea; vomited within 5 min. Kept on trying due to shear starvation setting in however didn't eat for entire week, and cancelled work for week due to uncontrollable crying and inablity to get out of bed.
Finally held down slushies (would learn to live off these for next month) have tried all remidies and feel like I have exhausted every source of information.
Rest of week progressed as this had no food or water only slushies. Didn't get out of bed and drove husband up the wall due to emotion.

Week 10
Still no change however weighed self and have lost 5 kg in a week.
Went to hospital due to dehydration and throwing up blood. Apparently its normal during pregnancy to perferate your oesphagus through throwing up stomach acid (so gross). Went on drip, and sent home with some antimedics MAXILLON. Ate some dry toast once home and some diet coke without vomiting wow best news in like forever.

Week 11
Have gotten used to the routine of going to uni in the morning after vomiting and having a slushie. Then vomit again at 11am in the girls toilets, which caused a stir as everyone just thinks I'm hungover.
Lost another 5 kilos this week still throwing up some blood but hey thats life.
Spent all day vomiting and doing 5000 word assignment between chucks, really begining to wonder why I chose to get pregnant.

Week 12
I saw my baby for the first time god its not the prettiest of things. It looked more like an alien. However I'm assured this is normal and everything is going well.
In fact they told me I had front forming placenta which is apparently good, but means I will show much sooner than expected. Great not
Throwing up once a day now and can time it to match my work and uni schedual. Eating again thank god. Missed my sweets.
Partner is getting really happy about the baby, he's planning the nursery already and we've already bought half the stuff. Very good organisational skills
Still not showing thankgod because I'm not comfortable with the body I've got let alone the fat pregnant body I'm going to get.

Week 13-14
Morning sickness once a day in morning, becoming so tired at the moment in fact have had two days off due to the fact I'm too tired.
Averaging 12 -14 hours sleep however still feel like I need more. What is wrong with me.

Week 15-16
Still morning sickness is here and I'm so used to vomiting at a set time that I wake up have a small sip of water, walk to toilet, vomit, have another sip of water, get into shower, get dressed and go to work. Wow what a great routine.
Still tired as anything, the only thing that has helped is energy boosting vitamins, diet coke, iron tablets (watch for constipation) and nana naps (2 hours a day).
Doctors appointment missed this week due to exam at school. Opps.

Week 17-18
Morning sickiness is still here, but at least I'm not losing weight another three kilos till I'm back to my pre morning sickness weight.
I got into the shower the other day and looked in the mirror,( I've got a baby belly), covering up now so self conscious its going to be oversized jumpers for a while. Not ready to be loud and proud as they call it.
Nursery is finished, my family and friends have been great. My best mate is a manager at a baby clothing store so I have everything for the first 6 months at over 70% off. THankgod cause I've been so cash strapped due to all the sick leave.

Week 19
Its a boy. I knew it, and I'm so happy. I had only picked out a boys name and thought it was a sign. His name is Morrison Douglas. Named after his great grandad. The ultrasound was great he is looking so cute and well, just can't wait to meet him. This is the first positive feeling I've had for the baby, and I don't feel so cold and hatred anymore.
I only vomited once this week is this the end, I HOPE SO....
I quit my job as I have nursing placement for a month and cannot continue working in such a manual intensive job afterwards.

Week 20
Well after all the surprises last week it was good to be on placement however Full time work in a busy Hospital Ward hasn't been good on my body. I've suffered cramps all week, in my tummy, legs (the worst), and back. I also felt my first kick which I thought was intergestion.

Week 21
Went to hospital again this week due to inablity to walk. Couldn't walk for a day. Investigated for a DVT however it was negative. Apparently I've damaged an old sports injury, due to the muscle relaxants present during pregnancy. Ordered bed rest, pain relief and physio.

Week 22-23
Placement is over thankgod my leg is still in bad shape but at least the placement is out of the way. In a way working full time and doing homework has given me less time to worry about the pregnancy which is very good. Only vomiting once a week now yay.
I've put on one kilo since becoming pregnant, I now look like a beached whale as all my weight on my body has moved around. My arms are skinny and my legs are small and all that weight has moved to my belly to make a very obvious belly bump. I even got offered a chair on the train, the perks of pregnancy.
Oh just had the first boost of energy that all those bloody pregnancy books talk about. Thankyou god. Just in time for a last minute revision for end of year exams.

Week 24-25
Not coping very well at home not working and only studying. Finding too much time to think about pregnancy, and having dark thoughts about the baby. Find myself wishing it wasn't there or I had a miscarriage. Talked to friends about the problem, but just can't shake the feeling of impending doom.
Went to hospital in an ambulance during an exam. Really embarrassing, however it happened and cant change it. I struggled though the exam, then put my hand up and the ambulance was called. THe hospital investigated me however its just renal stasis due to the baby blocking my tubes to the bladder causing urine to pool and move upwards causing stabbing pain/ like contractions I'm told. More bed rest and pain killers.
Husband has been so supportive can't repay his kindness enough.

Week 26
Exams are over however not working is still driving me crazy. I had a glass of wine the other day because I needed it. I needed to relax. Felt really guilty afterwards and told midwife who said it was okay, and not to make a regular occurance of it.
Still throwing up once a week.
Have thrown myself into making the nursery the best nursery in the world have bought classic winne the pooh everything, and painted. I only have nappies to buy.
Got a few days of admin work this week so I don't go crazy, good money, I like contributing to the household and living on one income isn't easy.